Ugh, how horrible it has been to honestly respond to this question! Our due date is right around the corner...that's right, 3 weeks and 3 days to be accurate. And yep, it's a summer of a heat wave (although, to be fair, ANYONE who has told me stories of their summer birth have concluded "it was the hottest summer EVER!"...I think it's because it feels like we're walking around with a lapdog on our bodies all day long.) I have finally succumbed to the infamous summer "swelling", seriously my foot looks like it belongs to a hobbit. And I have had cravings for either ice cream or slushies everyday for the past 3 weeks...true story...and i have indulged this craving on most days (Dairy Queen's 3 berry blast smoothie by the way is straight from heaven).
And so back to the original dilemma: how can I, a good, pro-life Catholic woman dare say something as horrible as "actually, pregnancy is kind of miserable."
Now, it must be stated that my husband and I have had a beautiful time together these past 9 months. For those who don't know the story, we found out we were pregnant on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadeloupe, after completing a Novena to our Lady for the Feast AND without knowing she happened to be the patronness of unborn children and pregnant mothers. Moreover, the first mass we went to when we found out was the only time the whole year the Archbishop does a special blessing for expectant mothers at the Cathedral. So I stood up, stunning some of our surrounding friends, and thought "what more perfect of a way to begin this journey?!" and it's true, it was so perfect, so beautiful.
And then, like most pregnancies, reality sets in. i was EXHAUSTED...truly exhausted. Throwing up became an expected nightly ritual, and of course there's the emotional ups and downs of "why does NOTHING fit me anymore?!" At 17 weeks pregnant a man at mass wished me congrats on my pregnancy, to which I almost cried (I'm not supposed to be showing so early!!)
And that's when the guilt set in...I gave up complaining for Lent in the hopes that I would begin to see pregnancy as the "wonderful, perfect" journey that many women in my life were telling me. But I still felt the guilt...Lord, why don't i LOVE being pregnant? It's even worse when many would say things to me like "you should be thankful...there are so many women who can't get pregnant!" Dagger to the heart, enter more guilt, and more frustrations in my complaining. It's true, so many beautiful women I know can't get pregnant, and here Ryan and I were married two months and POOF! baby magic! so WHY my frustrated heart?!
And so enter prayer: for those of you who don't believe in the power of prayer, believe in it: God has an amazing way of reassuring and comforting hearts in moments of confusion and crisis. What I came to see, and what a beautiful revelation it was, was the difference between being GRATEFUL for being pregnant and ENJOYING pregnancy. It's true, I am so so so grateful to be pregnant...feeling my little guy kick my stomach over and over again is actually really cool! (so much cooler than someone outside the womb doing that i would imagine!) But God showed me something else too: pregnancy, in many ways (and I'm sure I'll find this similar analogy with parenthood) is such a beautiful model of suffering. Suffering is meant to literally bear fruit in our lives; we know that God is good because He draws GOOD out of our pain, trials and suffering. Pregnancy is at every moment (whether we acknowledge it or not) suffering for a GREATER purpose...a little baby! Every aspect of my suffering, complaining, frustrations in the end is meant to be for the little life i'm carrying, and more importantly maybe for the family I love so much (my husband, by the way, is my hero).
And so here we are, three weeks to go, so freaking excited to be a mom and meet our beautiful baby boy Leo William, and excited to not be pregnant anymore. But looking back on this journey, my sufferings have been offered in a way that only God can understand. I can only pray that the many nights of vomitting, exhaustion, heartburn, constipation, etc were so that Leo would someday come to love Jesus, and know the Truth of Him in the Church. Look at that, I'm thinking like a mom already :)
In closing news, the babies are RAINING on my family and friends this summer, the most exciting of them so far for me (no offense to anyone else) has been the gift of my beautiful nephew James Dominick. Again, sacrifice of being pregnant: I can't go see him until the holidays. BUT what a beautiful reminder, after hearing the courageous story of my brother and sister-in law, why the Lord blesses us with the gift of pregnancy these past nine months. I leave you with a picture of the cutest boy EVER:
